:: habit ::

"I am your constant companion. I am your greatest helper and your heaviest burden. I will push you onwards or drag you down to failure. I am completely at your command. Half the things you do you might as well turn over to me, and I'll do them quickly and correctly. I'm easily managed, but you must be firm with me. Show me exactly how you want something done, and after a few lessons, I'll do it automatically. I'm the servant of all great men, and alas, of all failures as well. Those who are great, I have made great. Those who are failures, I made failures. I work with the precision of a scientist and the passion of a patriot. You may run me for profit or run me for ruin; it makes no difference to me. Take me, train me, be firm with me and I will put the world at your feet. But be easy with me and I'll destroy you."

:: after awhile ::

"After awhile you learn the difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul. You learn that life does not mean leaning and company does not mean security. You begin to learn that kisses are not contracts and presents are not promises, and you begin to accept your defeats with your head held high and your eyes ahead, with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child. You learn to build all your roads on today, because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans, and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight. After awhile you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. You learn to plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that (by God's sustaining grace) you can really endure; that you really are strong; and that you really do have worth!"

:: tough love ::

I've learned some things about myself that were hard to hear. I think everyone should have a friend like mine; someone who knows when to tell you what you need to hear regardless of how much it might hurt. Friends like that are rare and hard to find. I'm pretty lucky.

Thanks to my friend, my skeletons have been exposed to more daylight. And though they may still point and laugh at me from time to time, I know I'm not alone; now someone else knows the sound of their laughter. As for the fortress they reside in, it's only a matter of time before I own the deed and have them evicted!

Stone by Stone

I have a wall you cannot see,
Because it's deep inside of me.
It blocks my heart on every side,
And helps emotions there to hide.
You can't reach in,
I can't reach out,
You wonder what it's all about.

The wall I built that you can't see,
Results from insecurity.
Each time my tender heart was hurt,
The scars within grew worse and worse.
So stone by stone,
I built a wall,
That's now so thick it will not fall.

Please understand that it's not you,
Continue trying to break through.
I want so much to show myself,
And love from you will really help.
So bit by bit,
Chip at my wall,
'Till stone by stone it starts to fall.

I know the process will be slow,
It's never easy to let go,
Of hurts and failures long ingrained,
Upon one's heart from years of pain.
I'm so afraid,
To let you in,
I know I might get hurt again.

I try so hard to break the wall,
But seem to get nowhere at all.
For stone upon each stone I've stacked,
And left between them not a crack.
The only way,
To make it fall,
Are imperfections in the wall.

I did the best I could to build,
A perfect wall but there are still,
A few small flaws which are the key,
To breaking through the wall to me.
Please use each flaw,
To cause a crack,
To knock a stone off of the stack.

For just as stone by stone was laid,
With every hurt with every pain,
So stone by stone the wall will break,
As love replaces every ache.
Please be the one,
Who cares enough,
To find the flaws no matter what.

~Rachel N Bentley

:: dear God ::

"I have no idea where I'm going. I don't see the road ahead of me, nor do I really know myself. And the fact that I think I am following Your will doesn't mean that I'm actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please You does in fact please You. And I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. I know that if I do this, You will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore, I will trust you always. Though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of the valley of death, I will not fear. For You are with me and You will never leave me to face my struggles alone."