:: God said. i said ::

You know those God moments that leave you dumb-founded for about three seconds, after which you say something like, "Seriously?!" and it's followed by a swift smack upside the head that provokes you to say something else like, "Okay, OKAY!!!". Ya, the one I just had went something like that.

I've been wrestling a lot of different things lately and one of them has been my job. I don't hate my job - it's a good job - but I'm not satisfied working where I am. So I guess the shortened version of this ordeal is that I want to quit my job and do ministry. *?!?* (God that scares me to even read that.)

I don't know!?! I just know that my life should be so much more than this, and that's a really powerful and scary thing to want to grasp into and run after.

I must be INSANE to even be considering this!?! My life would be so much more... hard!

It's absolutely ridiculous but I can't help it! Existing just isn't good enough for me any more and I know this sounds like a bunch of evangelistic bull**** but it suddenly makes a heck of a lot of sense. You can't really understand it until you get there yourself. The only thing I say for sure is that kingdom of heaven business is tough and the deeper you go with God the more and more impossible it becomes to live a 'normal' life.


We must allow the Word of God to confront us, to disturb our security, to undermine our complacency and to overthrow our patterns of thought and behaviour. -- John Stott

:: quit my life ::

I'm thinkin' I'd like to quit my life. (And notice I said 'quit' not 'end' so don't freak out!) Life just doesn't feel right anymore, like what I've been living so far isn't quite right. I'd love to just go extreme - work completely backwards from the world's system of living- and give it all up. Hard core live like the only thing that matters is bringing the kingdom of heaven to earth.

Isn't that what I'm supposed to be doing?!

It's too bad I'm so weak.