:: love is hard ::

love is a choice, an ongoing and conscious choice, we make every day of our lives. it is not a feeling... and sometimes, love is a hard choice to make.

when we feel love, what we're actually feeling is a choice we've made that allows us to feel a certain way or not. that's how we control our emotions.

"love" is something never to be confused with the feeling of being "in love".

Love is not just a feeling. It’s a choice, a commitment, a way of behaving toward another. Love is not simply an event that happens to you. Rather, love is something you choose to do. The state of being in love is simply a prelude to love. But most people make the mistake of thinking they’re one and the same thing. We are all given circumstances by which we can exercise the choice to love. That’s the thunderbolt that God supplies. It’s that instant attraction to another person, those warm, fuzzy feelings, that fever akin to drunkenness or madness that causes you to know that you’re in love. But it’s what you choose to do after that thunderbolt has passed that matters. You choose whether you’re going to continue loving the other person after the drunkenness has dissipated, after the frills of romance have fallen away. You choose whether you’re going to continue to seek the best interests of the other person, and care about him or her through any and all circumstances — and for how long. Love is a conscious choice. ~ from the novel “Midwinter Turns to Spring”

love is a choice. when you think about the one you love, you subconsciously say to yourself, "i choose to love this person today", regardless of their imperfections.

when a relationship isn't working, you choose to put an end to it. after that, given an ample time to recover, you also choose to get involved with someone who’s like-minded.

at the beginning of a potentially great relationship, you make a choice to spend time with that person to have a glimpse of what can develop. you celebrate the fact that once again, you get to love a person and get to be loved the same way in return.

unfortunately, more often then not, people believe that love is something that simply occurs and happens unexpectedly. when in fact, as a relationship grows, the definition of love also grows with it.

love is both a noun and a verb.

love as a noun is the feeling. that waking thought of someone you love first thing in the morning until the end of the day. 

love as a verb are the actions you take in order to feel that way.

loving someone should be action oriented and consistent, in order for love to grow.

it's common for romantic love, or feelings, to become the basis for relationships and happiness, but it is often proven to be a hollow foundation because we later seek new emotional highs. basing a relationship solely on feelings and emotions proves to be fickle, and even more so when difficult circumstances arise.

love is a choice, it isn’t born but made.

love rings true when you decide to love someone during the tough times of a relationship, and is something to be celebrated when accomplished.

there will always be times when you feel like giving more or less love. there will always be times when you feel loved or not loved enough. when these moments present themselves, will you still choose to love?

isn’t it a more empowering way to love and be loved?

love is a choice… a choice to take action.

   Love never gives up.
   Love cares more for others than for self.
   Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
   Love doesn't strut,
   Doesn't have a swelled head,
   Doesn't force itself on others,
   Isn't always "me first,"
   Doesn't fly off the handle,
   Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
   Doesn't revel when others grovel,
   Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
   Puts up with anything,
   Trusts God always,
   Always looks for the best,
   Never looks back,
   But keeps going to the end. 

1 Corinthians 13:4

:: relentless ::

God, my pride, my expectations, my doubt are all clouding You from me, and me from You. I bring them to your throne, to your feet and lay them aside for your glory.

In exchange for your glory. Your servants heart, your desires, your ways, your will - not mine. My heart's desire is for you, to know you've passed by, to have seen your face.

I want you. I long for you. Show me your glory.

Break me in your presence, hide me in your rock, oh God. Do not let your promises be delayed a single day. Your word is true, a rock-solid guarantee and you do not change.

Speak to me. Let me heart your voice again. Show me your glory.

Though I am selfish and waver in unbelief, show yourself to me.

I am fully persuaded, just as Abraham was, that you do indeed answer when you say you will. Never late, never early, but always on time.

God, I won't relent until you have shown your glory in this place, here and now. I call heaven down. Your kingdom come as it is in heaven. Your will be done. Not mine, not my way.

Do not take this cup from me. Do not rob me of your presence.

Show me your glory. Show me your face.

I want to die to myself and be alive in you. Fully alive. Fully prsent. Fully in this moment.

Let me see your pillar of cloud. Shallow me in its'd depths and fog my worlf from view.

Show me your glory.

"Do not fear, Zion, let not your hands be weak. The Lord your God is in your midst. The mighty one will save. He will rejoice over you with gladness. He will quiet you with His love. He will rejoice over you with singing."

:: to love & be loved ::

Of all the things I could ever wish for, this would be it. I want to know - really know - love.

I get it with you, God; it makes perfect sense, but how does that make sense with anyone else?

Why don't guys prove themselves any more? Do guys like that even exist?

Am I the one who is disillusioned?

I want to know this love.

I feel like I've been taught to believe in fairy tales, grown up with the effects of dysfunction and now am left challenging my own standards!

Am I totally out to lunch in believing whole-heartedly that there is a guy out there, complete in everything I'm hoping and dreaming for, whom I am worthy of... or does my prince charming need to be knocked off his horse?

I wish I knew where the real men where.

The ones who know their God, who believe in something bigger than themselves and live for it every day. The ones who fight for what is good, holy and acceptable to Him.

The ones who live with passion and risk, goals and dreams, vision and truth. The ones who lead with the character of Christ.

The ones who laugh without shame, play for rest and love with reckless abandon.

Where are they? Where can I find them?

How can I attract one?!

God, my heart physically aches for him. I don't know how anyone could want to join me in my mess or how I could ever be ready for theirs, but I want it anyways. I want to be a righteous fox. I want to be captivating and loved.

Love me. Captivate me, Father. I want to know you more. Be patient with me as I work to restore my failing intimacy with you.

:: and yet ::

those two little words that always seem to follow any argument I seem to have between myself and God.
I get mad and frustrated. I bargain and beg. I scream it isn't fair and I whine because of my fears...

and yet...

I still hope. I still have faith. I still believe at the very root of who I am - what I know God to be. Faithful.

Suddenly "and yet..." become very precious words to me. They let me now that transition back to that good place is happening despite whatever darkness I find myself standing in. Because "and yet.." means I haven't really lost faith.

God, you know my thoughts already. You know I'm scared spitless. you know I'm inexperienced, under-qualified and uncertain. You know I'm afraid of what others think and the pressures I'm afraid of because of that. You know my past, my present, my dreams of the future. You know why my heart hesitates and hides. You know I'm terrified to trust myself again, even though you've given me no reason to doubt your plans for me.

And yet...

You know my desires are bigger than my inability to not shy away from this. You know my fears won't paralyze me from any victory I may have. You know I trust you. I know you're here.

And yet...

I still need your help (please!). Can you make this even a little bit less scary for me? A little less harder than I believe it to be? Can I just have a little more peace? A little more confidence? A little more reassurance?

God, it's time. I'm not telling you it's time, I'm simply stating that the time is here. It's now. It has arrived. I can feel it in my bones. It makes me nervous.

Please come stand beside me.