:: and yet ::

those two little words that always seem to follow any argument I seem to have between myself and God.
I get mad and frustrated. I bargain and beg. I scream it isn't fair and I whine because of my fears...

and yet...

I still hope. I still have faith. I still believe at the very root of who I am - what I know God to be. Faithful.

Suddenly "and yet..." become very precious words to me. They let me now that transition back to that good place is happening despite whatever darkness I find myself standing in. Because "and yet.." means I haven't really lost faith.

God, you know my thoughts already. You know I'm scared spitless. you know I'm inexperienced, under-qualified and uncertain. You know I'm afraid of what others think and the pressures I'm afraid of because of that. You know my past, my present, my dreams of the future. You know why my heart hesitates and hides. You know I'm terrified to trust myself again, even though you've given me no reason to doubt your plans for me.

And yet...

You know my desires are bigger than my inability to not shy away from this. You know my fears won't paralyze me from any victory I may have. You know I trust you. I know you're here.

And yet...

I still need your help (please!). Can you make this even a little bit less scary for me? A little less harder than I believe it to be? Can I just have a little more peace? A little more confidence? A little more reassurance?

God, it's time. I'm not telling you it's time, I'm simply stating that the time is here. It's now. It has arrived. I can feel it in my bones. It makes me nervous.

Please come stand beside me.